timecannotberewritten: dovahqueene: iwishlilbwasmygrandpa: There are thousands of half-babies in my ballsack and that’s terrifying at least you don’t bleed them out every month you make a compelling argument
stopbeingfucks: vagina? which Pokemon is that????????
piercelopez: there are two types of crushes: 1. a casual crush, you look at them and you’re like “wow you’re pretty cute i’d like to get to know you better” 2. absolutely, undeniably head over heels oh my god are you fucking kidding me you are perfect wow i’m literally going to rethink every conversation we’ve ever had for the next 9 hours of my life please love me there is no in between
jumbaco: if you didnt have an avril lavigne phase youre a liar
metaphorically: i was crying in my car in front of the mcdonalds near my house eating french fries and listening to my sad playlist in the car and a black guy tapped on my window and just gave me life changing advice “its going to be ok lil nigga you can do it”
clementineorange: wraparoundcurl: queen-dandelion: there should be like a strip club only with hot dads in good shoes with their legs propped up on tables sipping coffee and staring at you over the tops of their glasses when you walk in goddamn i would lose so much money *tucks $100 in hot dad collar* hey baby take another sip
Status: Rain! :)
Older person on Facebook: Us too, so badly needed as well. Tell your mom I said hi. How is the family? Tell everyone hi from us. We miss you all so much. Wish we could be there. You're a beautiful young woman.
cuteballsack: theblueboxiscoming: im laughing so hard because no matter what song you listen to spiderman dances to the beat no matter what song ive been testing it and lauing my ass off for an hour So tru Omfg pour it up by Rihanna
2073: money can’t buy happiness but it can buy a false sense of security and fruity alcoholic beverages to numb the pain and honestly what’s the difference
ejacutastic: when guys talk about how gross periods are i just laugh because guys have a floppy piece of flesh that gets hard and that’s pretty fuckin weird, bucko
take a moment to realize you have never seen your face in person, just reflections and pictures
Me: what now?
Anxiety: Nothing, just wanted to worry you today.
Anxiety: Hey your boyfriend/girlfriend didn't text you back, they're probably with someone else right now.
Anxiety: Oh your best friend hasn't spoken to you today either. They're probably sick of your shit.
Anxiety: Your parents said they're really proud of you..do you honestly believe that?
Anxiety: Where do you see yourself in a year? Oh wait, you can barely get through a day!
Me: ...shut up.
Anxiety: Will you ever rise to anything?
Me: Shut up!
Anxiety: Or are you always this pathetic? Lol
Me: Why can't you leave me alone!?
Anxiety: Because messing with your head is what I live for.
i went down to the middle school today for relay for life and i saw my old social studies teacher i had a crush on (don’t talk to me) and he was like “hey how are you i haven’t seen you in ages?” and the first thing i blurted out was “I JUST TURNED 18” and jesus christ if that’s not the thirstiest thing i’ve said in my whole life
hungarian: it’d be cool to speak like 20 different languages & keep it a secret from everyone & then during a time of crisis, u could speak some fluent russian to some russian guy holding a gun to your head & all your friends will be like daaamn
y7hsfydu7h8jjjj88ay: are we in love or are we alcoholics
sweeneybro: I bet none of my followers know that I record gangsta raps in my spare time bahahaha Tyler’s been rapping since the 5th grade everyone, he truly is a thug